TrueStory Cards: A New Line of Greeting Cards I Spent Today Inventing Instead of Finding a Job

Today is my 35th birthday and I’m unemployed, but I have eleventy thousand ideas that no one is paying me to have. What a fucking waste. Somebody out there is really screwing the pooch. I mean it, I’m a goldmine, dummies.

So I’m obsessed with the life-sized dioramas at the Natural History Museum in NYC. When I move there, I will spend every weekend taking photos and making honest cards out of them. Last time I was there, I got the moose and the wild pig, because they’re my favorites. Also, this thing:

Does anybody know what I am?

So here are a few examples — whaddaya think, should I run with it? Or am I just deluded from a long morning of crying and Vietnamese iced coffee?